I hate "Christmas"

This blog post is probably not going to be about what you expect. I am sure in some way the loss of Abigail has jaded both Bran and I about holidays, especially this one.  It's hard enough to just keep going without her, but this holiday seems to just scream in neon lights "your daughter is gone".  However, that is not really what I am talking about here.

First of all, I would like to make it clear that I don't hate the birth of Christ.  But I do hate a holiday that requires people to buy stuff.  And Christmas is the king of this disease.  It's greed, pure and simple.  We are greedy, and we have turned this holy celebration into a mockery.  Let's be honest, when the start of a holiday season is called "Black Friday", where businesses try to sell as much stuff as possible, that's not a good sign. 

I have had a lot of soul searching going on in my life in the last 8 months.  I have concluded that I am absolutely worthless to Christ.  Looking at what he has given me vs. what I have given him, it doesn't compare.  It's not about earning my salvation.  That's not what I am talking about.  It's about living a life that is pleasing in God's sight, and showing the one who gave me so much the honor he deserves.  And I am not.

Our real problem, my own real problem here, is greed.   We look for excuses to get stuff.  Holidays have become a big excuse to us all.  It's not just the want anymore, it's our "need".  I put that in quotes, as if I really need this stuff.  Like I can take it with me if I die.  Yet it goes on every day.  It's funny, but there are people that really think we could not exist if certain things hadn't been invented-especially the latest technology.  As if all those people who existed before the 20th century were just lucky to not have gotten to extinction.  Do we really need laptops for example?  Or the latest phone?  Since Abigail died, Brandy and I have gotten new iPhones.  Did we really need them?  I would like to take mine and throw it away.  But I am a coward.  I won't do it.  There are millions of people starving all over the world, and I am a coward when it comes to my phone.  How can I help someone when I am a coward?  That is why I started this blog.  Jesus would have spent his entire life at the missions in towns, helping people in need, and I doubt I would stop if someone sitting on the side of the road looking for a dollar.  I mean I don't even have to get out of my car.  Thats pretty pathetic really.  I am glad you are reading this blog, but if you put your laptop down and never picked it up again, and used that time to help someone in need, that would be even greater. 

If we are really going to become vessels God can use, we are going to have to look hard at ourselves.  To become selfless, you really have to start by being self focused.  Not on who we are, but what we are.  What do we do?  How do we act?  Is it pleasing to God?  How does our version of Christmas please God?  Or does he cringe every time this day comes around?  Does our version of life, of who we are, make God cringe?

As I have gotten older, I have tended to feel a little dirty once this time of year comes and goes.  I mean, we are supposed to be different, if we are Christians.  Different.  Look different.  Act different.  Be different.  And I don't think we are.  I don't think I am.  It's like its a cash grab, and that's the real sad part.  Even on the local Christian station here where I live, it's "don't forget the reason for the season, and also don't forget to visit this business while your thinking about the reason for the season".  That, to me, is a mockery of Christ's birth.  And I hate it.