Alright, pop quiz. I say God is _____. Fill in the blank. Ready. Go.
You said Love didn't you. I bet most of you did. I heard this question the other night in a class my family is taking. The speaker said "if you were to poll people on the street with that phrase, what would be the response?" Immediately, multiple people blurted out Love. And, of course, the speaker said "correct, it would be Love."
Apparently I was different. I immediately thought Holy. I almost blurted it out in fact, but caught myself when the chorus of "Love" came raining down from all over. It puzzled me at the time. Why did I think that? Love is obvious- that is an obvious answer. Think of all the John 3:16 signs we see at sporting events. Everyone wants God to be their best buddy. So it should have been obvious. Yet, here I was with a different answer. Why?
When we talk about the character of God, what strikes you the most? The Loving nature of God, or the Holiness of God? The first choice is obviously easier to deal with. I mean, who doesn't want a God that loves them unconditionally? No questions asked. No requirements. Just love. That is definitely the easier approach.
The Holiness of God? Tougher. Much tougher. But why?
Because it is not all encompassing. We are not holy. It makes us stand in stark contrast from God. It is not unconditional. It asks questions. It has requirements. We cannot stand before Him, are not worthy of uttering His name, should not be so bold to call ourselves Children of God when we consider the Holiness of God. Because instead of including us with God, it separates us from Him.
Consider what John said in Revelation 1:17, "When I saw Him, I fell at His feet as though dead..." Or what the prophet Isaiah said in Isaiah 6, "Woe is me! For I am lost...". The Message version uses the phrase "I'm as good as dead!" These men, whom I imagine you would consider men of God (I do, at least), were so struck at the contrast, they either did die or wanted to. These were men that knew the Bible. Probably had memorized much of it. Lived in a world where faith in God was not only important, it was part of life. And yet the contrast they were faced with in the presence of Holiness, made them want to die. I guess the way I see it, they wanted to be separated.
So think about that. They wanted to be separate. From God. Doesn't that seem a little backward to you? Because it does to me. After all, those stories are straight from the Word. From the Bible.
But that is what God's Holiness does. It separates Him from us. Not only that, but it makes us want to remain that way. Because we are so fragile, His very essence can take our life, and because we are selfish with our lives, we would rather remain alive than draw close to Him that way. My only guess is that when we see Him, everything we try to hide is unhidden. And the shock from that reality is too much.
The High priests of Israel wore a rope tied around their waists when they entered the Temple of the Most High God. The reason was because there was a chance they might not come out alive. And so if that happened, they would have to be dragged out of the place, because no one else could enter to remove them.
So, for these men, entering near the Lord was literally hazardous to their health.
Yet for us it is so different, so simple. But, how are we any different? Why would we be better than these men who spent their entire lives living around the will of God? What makes us think we can belittle our relationships with a Creator this awesome? Why do we act so foolish in how we interact with Him? We act entitled. We feel like we have earned God the buddy. Not God the Consuming Fire.
I'm going to leave this post unfinished. For some reason, even though I want to tie this up with how God's Love is the balance, countering this separation between us and is the reason we can draw close to him. Is the reason He died for us, is the reason He offers us salvation.
But I feel like I don't need to yet, more like I can't yet. I'm not really sure why. Look, if this convicts you, I'm sorry. It's not me. It's God. I'm just a humble typist.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
A season of Hope?
Our problem:
But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear. For your hands are defiled with blood And your fingers with iniquity; Your lips have spoken falsehood, Your tongue mutters wickedness. No one sues righteously and no one pleads honestly. They trust in confusion and speak lies; They conceive mischief and bring forth iniquity. They hatch adders’ eggs and weave the spider’s web; He who eats of their eggs dies, And from that which is crushed a snake breaks forth. Their webs will not become clothing, Nor will they cover themselves with their works; Their works are works of iniquity, And an act of violence is in their hands. Their feet run to evil, And they hasten to shed innocent blood; Their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity, Devastation and destruction are in their highways. They do not know the way of peace, And there is no justice in their tracks; They have made their paths crooked, Whoever treads on them does not know peace. Isaiah 59:2-8
Our solution:
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. Psalm 34:17
Cry loudly, do not hold back; Raise your voice like a trumpet, And declare to My people their transgression And to the house of Jacob their sins. Isaiah 58:1
Then your light will break out like the dawn, And your recovery will speedily spring forth; And your righteousness will go before you; The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ Isaiah 58:8-9
So here I am, it's nice to see you again. Yes, I know I am a bad blogger. I'm sorry for that, and really I only have myself to blame for this. But enough of that, let's get to the meat of today's post.
I suggest everyone read the book of Isiah, if you already haven't. In my opinion, it's one of the more deep books in the Bible, because Isaiah doesn't shy away from either himself or humanity and our relation upon standing in the face of a Holy God. We fall short in so many ways. And it's that difference of who we think we are, versus who we really are in the sight of God that Isaiah gets.
I guess in this world of self-help and wanting to hear how good we are, this is a stark contrast. Because, let's be honest. Anyone that says "I want to hear how bad I am" is lying- you and I know this. But it's truth. Truth that hurts. Truth that causes pain. Truth that cuts to the core of who I really am.
As I sat here in quiet to collect my thoughts, I was drawn to a sermon I have linked to my browser. I am attaching it below. It is from Art Katz, and it is very convicting. It's from a sermon called "And They Crucified Him", and his point is simply, we fall short. Even our "best Christians" fall short of the plan of God. Looking at what the Apostles went through, we fall short. Even though we have every advantage concievable (such as most people have an idea who Christ is whether they believe or not, or that many of us live in such a manner that we can give to others both time and money), we fall so short of the mark of Christ, it's silly. And that point emphasizes the idea that I stated above, which is simply "we are not who we think we are."
Don't be deceived. You are not ok. I am not ok. This world is not ok. It's a corrupt, defiled, worthless piece of crap, and we, who are just as corrupt, just as defiled and just as worthless, are stuck right in the middle of it. It's no wonder that Jesus tells us to store up our treasures in Heaven. Because as far as I can see, whatever you get here on Earth is worthless. Worthless. Has no value. None.
This is a different take than what you typically hear at Christmas. "The season of Hope." It sounds kind of hopeless. And I guess that is what makes Christmas so amazing. Not the whole presents thing. Not the magic behind Santa- if you believe that. Not even that Christ came. No, the amazing thing is that God even entertained the idea to come. We are so screwed up, this world is so screwed up, the fact that God even entertained the idea is profoundly amazing in itself. And yet He did. That's the Love your Creator offers, and the same Love we take for granted, because "we are ok."
So I guess the obvious question now is what do we do with this?
Stop here and watch the video. And I'll pick up in a second.
It's funny that this blog comes out right before Christmas. I didn't plan it this way. Really, I didn't have a plan to begin with. A season that is supposedly filled with hope brought me this message. Kind of ironic if you ask me. And yet the truth offered here is real. We are full of ourselves. A false sense of hope that is offered when one is not honest with themself.
I wonder what Christ was thinking when he finally arrived as a human. Maybe it was something like, "What have I gotten myself into?" At Christmas, we celebrate His birth, and the love He brought that led to the Cross. However, without the Cross, what's the point of Christmas? I mean, does it even have a point? So, even now right in the middle of Christmas, it's the Cross that's still the message. And it's our inability to pick up our own crosses and follow Him that's still the problem.
So I asked you earlier, what do we do with this? I'm not sure about you, but this is a tough message for me to read. Cause truth hurts. And this is Truth. I have some choices that I as an individual, and that my family, as a family, have to make in the near future, that could completely re-shape the way, the how, and the where we function as a family. I need God's wisdom and leadership to do this. The only way to get that is to acknowledge the above, and acknowledge the Love He shows me, and humble myself to the point where God can use my family to do what He wants. It is only through that I can ask him for guidance, because I cannot do it on my own.
As far as you are concerned, my advice to you is to seek His face. Humble yourself, just like He did when He became a man, and take up your cross and follow Him. Cry out to the Lord. Ask the Lord to guide your steps. And do what He commands you. Don't just sit around and wait on God to put neon signs in your front yard.
There are commands in the Bible right now that "Christians" do not follow. Take care of orphans and widows, for example. Love your enemies. Those are just a couple of commands right off the top of my head.
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas
But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear. For your hands are defiled with blood And your fingers with iniquity; Your lips have spoken falsehood, Your tongue mutters wickedness. No one sues righteously and no one pleads honestly. They trust in confusion and speak lies; They conceive mischief and bring forth iniquity. They hatch adders’ eggs and weave the spider’s web; He who eats of their eggs dies, And from that which is crushed a snake breaks forth. Their webs will not become clothing, Nor will they cover themselves with their works; Their works are works of iniquity, And an act of violence is in their hands. Their feet run to evil, And they hasten to shed innocent blood; Their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity, Devastation and destruction are in their highways. They do not know the way of peace, And there is no justice in their tracks; They have made their paths crooked, Whoever treads on them does not know peace. Isaiah 59:2-8
Our solution:
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. Psalm 34:17
Cry loudly, do not hold back; Raise your voice like a trumpet, And declare to My people their transgression And to the house of Jacob their sins. Isaiah 58:1
Then your light will break out like the dawn, And your recovery will speedily spring forth; And your righteousness will go before you; The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ Isaiah 58:8-9
So here I am, it's nice to see you again. Yes, I know I am a bad blogger. I'm sorry for that, and really I only have myself to blame for this. But enough of that, let's get to the meat of today's post.
I suggest everyone read the book of Isiah, if you already haven't. In my opinion, it's one of the more deep books in the Bible, because Isaiah doesn't shy away from either himself or humanity and our relation upon standing in the face of a Holy God. We fall short in so many ways. And it's that difference of who we think we are, versus who we really are in the sight of God that Isaiah gets.
I guess in this world of self-help and wanting to hear how good we are, this is a stark contrast. Because, let's be honest. Anyone that says "I want to hear how bad I am" is lying- you and I know this. But it's truth. Truth that hurts. Truth that causes pain. Truth that cuts to the core of who I really am.
As I sat here in quiet to collect my thoughts, I was drawn to a sermon I have linked to my browser. I am attaching it below. It is from Art Katz, and it is very convicting. It's from a sermon called "And They Crucified Him", and his point is simply, we fall short. Even our "best Christians" fall short of the plan of God. Looking at what the Apostles went through, we fall short. Even though we have every advantage concievable (such as most people have an idea who Christ is whether they believe or not, or that many of us live in such a manner that we can give to others both time and money), we fall so short of the mark of Christ, it's silly. And that point emphasizes the idea that I stated above, which is simply "we are not who we think we are."
Don't be deceived. You are not ok. I am not ok. This world is not ok. It's a corrupt, defiled, worthless piece of crap, and we, who are just as corrupt, just as defiled and just as worthless, are stuck right in the middle of it. It's no wonder that Jesus tells us to store up our treasures in Heaven. Because as far as I can see, whatever you get here on Earth is worthless. Worthless. Has no value. None.
This is a different take than what you typically hear at Christmas. "The season of Hope." It sounds kind of hopeless. And I guess that is what makes Christmas so amazing. Not the whole presents thing. Not the magic behind Santa- if you believe that. Not even that Christ came. No, the amazing thing is that God even entertained the idea to come. We are so screwed up, this world is so screwed up, the fact that God even entertained the idea is profoundly amazing in itself. And yet He did. That's the Love your Creator offers, and the same Love we take for granted, because "we are ok."
So I guess the obvious question now is what do we do with this?
Stop here and watch the video. And I'll pick up in a second.
It's funny that this blog comes out right before Christmas. I didn't plan it this way. Really, I didn't have a plan to begin with. A season that is supposedly filled with hope brought me this message. Kind of ironic if you ask me. And yet the truth offered here is real. We are full of ourselves. A false sense of hope that is offered when one is not honest with themself.
I wonder what Christ was thinking when he finally arrived as a human. Maybe it was something like, "What have I gotten myself into?" At Christmas, we celebrate His birth, and the love He brought that led to the Cross. However, without the Cross, what's the point of Christmas? I mean, does it even have a point? So, even now right in the middle of Christmas, it's the Cross that's still the message. And it's our inability to pick up our own crosses and follow Him that's still the problem.
So I asked you earlier, what do we do with this? I'm not sure about you, but this is a tough message for me to read. Cause truth hurts. And this is Truth. I have some choices that I as an individual, and that my family, as a family, have to make in the near future, that could completely re-shape the way, the how, and the where we function as a family. I need God's wisdom and leadership to do this. The only way to get that is to acknowledge the above, and acknowledge the Love He shows me, and humble myself to the point where God can use my family to do what He wants. It is only through that I can ask him for guidance, because I cannot do it on my own.
As far as you are concerned, my advice to you is to seek His face. Humble yourself, just like He did when He became a man, and take up your cross and follow Him. Cry out to the Lord. Ask the Lord to guide your steps. And do what He commands you. Don't just sit around and wait on God to put neon signs in your front yard.
There are commands in the Bible right now that "Christians" do not follow. Take care of orphans and widows, for example. Love your enemies. Those are just a couple of commands right off the top of my head.
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
It's been a while
Hello again. As the title obviously states, it's been a while. I guess I am a bad blogger. But here I am, nonetheless.
There's a lot on my mind here lately. Some good, some bad. And I will get to that in the future. But today, I am here for a different reason. I come to you today to talk about my nephew Levi. Because of a giant hole in his diaphragm which allowed his organs to creep up onto his heart and lungs, Levi was born with undeveloped lungs and heart problems. In essence, he can't breathe and his heart doesn't work right. So he's been on a machine that has basically put oxygen in his blood and pumped it through his body. Because of that, he doesn't have baby/mommy time, baby/daddy time, baby/ big brother time. He is stuck on a table with a machine keeping him alive. And his time is running out.
When I started this blog back in December, the point was to lead people toward hope. Hope in each other, hope in our lives, hope in Christ. Hope. But how do you describe it? What is hope? It's not something definite. Not something tangible. You can't quantify hope. So what is it?
According to merriam-webster.com, hope can be defined as a noun and a verb. As a noun, one definition is "desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment". So in a sense, it is something we want with an expectation to get it. The verb definition is similar in that it says "to desire with expectation of obtainment." So in our journey toward hope, we are not only looking for something, but are looking with an expectation of obtaining it.
So what does this have to do with Levi? There is not a lot of hope with Levi's family right now. To be honest, he is on death's doorstep. If his condition does not improve, when the machines are turned off, he will die. And the Valley of the shadow of death is not a place any parent wants to go. Brandy and I have lived there for 18 months. It is a living nightmare everyday.
I tell you all this, because I think you are important to him. I think you are just as important to him as the doctors are. Because you have the power to pray. God loves Levi, just as He loves you. Undescribeable love. And He definitely is in control of this. But there are times I think when He wants us to show Him we belive in His power. Not because we can make God do anything. That's ridiculous. But showing the faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain. Showing God we believe in Him. Showing God we have Hope in him. Looking toward Him to heal Levi and expecting it, because He can fix this, there is no doubt.
So I am here to implore you to pray. Fall to your knees now and cry out to God. Pray for Levi's healing. Pray that God fills his lungs with air. That his numbers get better so he can have the surgery he needs. Pray for forgiveness of a lack of belief, a lack of Hope. Pray for faith in God. We are weak only because we don't believe, because we don't hope in Him. Not because we are weak.
God is in control of this. So don't think I am telling you we can control what He does. And if He doesn't heal Levi, He is still in control. But we are so afraid of the result sometimes, we lose our ability to not only want something, but have expectation that it will happen. That's Hope. Don't lose it.
Like Andy Dufrense said in a letter to his friend Red in "The Shawshank Redemption," "Remember Red, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things..." In Lamentations 3:25 (NIV), it says, "The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him."
Hope in the Lord, for He is good.
There's a lot on my mind here lately. Some good, some bad. And I will get to that in the future. But today, I am here for a different reason. I come to you today to talk about my nephew Levi. Because of a giant hole in his diaphragm which allowed his organs to creep up onto his heart and lungs, Levi was born with undeveloped lungs and heart problems. In essence, he can't breathe and his heart doesn't work right. So he's been on a machine that has basically put oxygen in his blood and pumped it through his body. Because of that, he doesn't have baby/mommy time, baby/daddy time, baby/ big brother time. He is stuck on a table with a machine keeping him alive. And his time is running out.
When I started this blog back in December, the point was to lead people toward hope. Hope in each other, hope in our lives, hope in Christ. Hope. But how do you describe it? What is hope? It's not something definite. Not something tangible. You can't quantify hope. So what is it?
According to merriam-webster.com, hope can be defined as a noun and a verb. As a noun, one definition is "desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment". So in a sense, it is something we want with an expectation to get it. The verb definition is similar in that it says "to desire with expectation of obtainment." So in our journey toward hope, we are not only looking for something, but are looking with an expectation of obtaining it.
So what does this have to do with Levi? There is not a lot of hope with Levi's family right now. To be honest, he is on death's doorstep. If his condition does not improve, when the machines are turned off, he will die. And the Valley of the shadow of death is not a place any parent wants to go. Brandy and I have lived there for 18 months. It is a living nightmare everyday.
I tell you all this, because I think you are important to him. I think you are just as important to him as the doctors are. Because you have the power to pray. God loves Levi, just as He loves you. Undescribeable love. And He definitely is in control of this. But there are times I think when He wants us to show Him we belive in His power. Not because we can make God do anything. That's ridiculous. But showing the faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain. Showing God we believe in Him. Showing God we have Hope in him. Looking toward Him to heal Levi and expecting it, because He can fix this, there is no doubt.
So I am here to implore you to pray. Fall to your knees now and cry out to God. Pray for Levi's healing. Pray that God fills his lungs with air. That his numbers get better so he can have the surgery he needs. Pray for forgiveness of a lack of belief, a lack of Hope. Pray for faith in God. We are weak only because we don't believe, because we don't hope in Him. Not because we are weak.
God is in control of this. So don't think I am telling you we can control what He does. And if He doesn't heal Levi, He is still in control. But we are so afraid of the result sometimes, we lose our ability to not only want something, but have expectation that it will happen. That's Hope. Don't lose it.
Like Andy Dufrense said in a letter to his friend Red in "The Shawshank Redemption," "Remember Red, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things..." In Lamentations 3:25 (NIV), it says, "The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him."
Hope in the Lord, for He is good.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Welcome Home
I am sorry for the long amount of time between posts. I have had so many things I wanted to talk about. Several topics I thought were important to share. However, I have not had any time to do so. It has been a sprint at our house for the past month. Everyone's schedule has seemed to be in hyperdrive around our house. Some of if is the time of year. We have to celebrate 3 birthday's in a month and a half, have 3 sports going on at the same time, etc... It feels like everyday is packed from 6:00 am to 11:00 pm. And it mostly has been. I should add that we are adopting, so we have a sense of trying to prepare for new little ones we've never met. So March and to this point in April have been moving at a pace I can't remember ever going at before. Really fast.
And then we came to last weekend. To Abigail's birthday party. To yesterday. To today.
It's funny, because I've thought about what to do with this past weekend and today for weeks in regards to this blog. How to approach it. What to say. Frankly, how to honor her here.
All I came up with is this: A year ago today, my daughter died. I miss her.
Not inspiring, huh? I guess sometimes the simple truth is the best. And I'm a simple guy. So there you go.
I'm not real excited about talking about what happened today last year. Because I can't change what happened then. It is the past, and unfortunately, it will stay that way. Time is this wierd idea that something linear can also be something cyclical. As if I can re-live this day again because it is the same date as last year.
Or yesterday, which was the same Sunday on the calendar that she died on. I can relive it again. I can save her this time. I can do CPR better. I can lock the door. I can find the library card. I can say all the things I want to say to her knowing this is the end, not "Be quiet Abigail, you are driving me crazy!!" (She was screaming in the car on the way home). I can put her in her crib so she will take a nap.
Anything to change the day. Anything.
But I can't. Because time is linear. We don't relive April 11, 2010. We live April 11, 2011. A completely different day. The earth is in a similar position in relation to the sun, but not the exact same position. I am a different age. I look different- more hair in my nose. Everything is different. It is not the same day.
So I can't relive the day because it is impossible. I will not allow grief to take today from me, because it can't take something that I don't have. I will live today, because today is a new day. A different day.
Our sorrow comes from only the fact that we knew her for only a short time. But not from the result. The funny thing is I am envious of Abigail. I titled the blog "Welcome Home" because that is what Jesus said to her when she died. She is in Heaven. She feels no pain or fear now, no sorrow, no sickness. Only joy. Pure joy to be in the presence of our Father. And his love is greater than mine. So my sorrow is not for her. My sorrow is for Brandy and my kids, who have lost a part of themselves in her. My sorrow is for you, who are missing out on meeting a special person. My sorrow is for me, because grief is selfish.
I will see her again real soon. But for now, my job is to live a life worthy of Christ. Because we are called to lead other to Him by example. Be like Christ, so others can see what He looks like. Live like Christ, because that is what He calls us to do. He wants to tell you "Welcome Home" as well. So does Abigail.
Spend your time here on Earth trying to get to Heaven. Trying to meet Jesus. Trying to meet Abigail.
Because this life is all we have. But it is temporary. And our lives in Heaven will be Eternal.
"Dear Abigail,
I will see you soon, little princess. I love you.
Love Daddy."
And then we came to last weekend. To Abigail's birthday party. To yesterday. To today.
It's funny, because I've thought about what to do with this past weekend and today for weeks in regards to this blog. How to approach it. What to say. Frankly, how to honor her here.
All I came up with is this: A year ago today, my daughter died. I miss her.
Not inspiring, huh? I guess sometimes the simple truth is the best. And I'm a simple guy. So there you go.
I'm not real excited about talking about what happened today last year. Because I can't change what happened then. It is the past, and unfortunately, it will stay that way. Time is this wierd idea that something linear can also be something cyclical. As if I can re-live this day again because it is the same date as last year.
Or yesterday, which was the same Sunday on the calendar that she died on. I can relive it again. I can save her this time. I can do CPR better. I can lock the door. I can find the library card. I can say all the things I want to say to her knowing this is the end, not "Be quiet Abigail, you are driving me crazy!!" (She was screaming in the car on the way home). I can put her in her crib so she will take a nap.
Anything to change the day. Anything.
But I can't. Because time is linear. We don't relive April 11, 2010. We live April 11, 2011. A completely different day. The earth is in a similar position in relation to the sun, but not the exact same position. I am a different age. I look different- more hair in my nose. Everything is different. It is not the same day.
So I can't relive the day because it is impossible. I will not allow grief to take today from me, because it can't take something that I don't have. I will live today, because today is a new day. A different day.
Our sorrow comes from only the fact that we knew her for only a short time. But not from the result. The funny thing is I am envious of Abigail. I titled the blog "Welcome Home" because that is what Jesus said to her when she died. She is in Heaven. She feels no pain or fear now, no sorrow, no sickness. Only joy. Pure joy to be in the presence of our Father. And his love is greater than mine. So my sorrow is not for her. My sorrow is for Brandy and my kids, who have lost a part of themselves in her. My sorrow is for you, who are missing out on meeting a special person. My sorrow is for me, because grief is selfish.
I will see her again real soon. But for now, my job is to live a life worthy of Christ. Because we are called to lead other to Him by example. Be like Christ, so others can see what He looks like. Live like Christ, because that is what He calls us to do. He wants to tell you "Welcome Home" as well. So does Abigail.
Spend your time here on Earth trying to get to Heaven. Trying to meet Jesus. Trying to meet Abigail.
Because this life is all we have. But it is temporary. And our lives in Heaven will be Eternal.
"Dear Abigail,
I will see you soon, little princess. I love you.
Love Daddy."
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Sometimes the truth hurts
I have been nagged by a thought for the last couple of weeks, and I need to share it. Frankly, I'm not really sure how to lead into this topic. It's kind of deep and difficult to process, and it just leaves me feeling hollow. But here we go.
Have you ever wept for mankind? I know that's an odd question, but one we all should consider. Have I ever felt so moved by our lot, and the lot of all, that I was moved to tears? The sorrow of all our transgressions heaped upon one person would be too much to handle for anyone. I know I couldn't. But what about yourself? Have you ever wept for you?
That sounds a little bit silly, and a little bit selfish. But the reality is we are in such a bad state, even the best of us. I am a total and complete failure, and my sinful condition is utterly reprehensible to God. Utterly reprehensible. Let that sink in. We are not ok. We are disgusting to God.
Why? Because He is holy. And we are not. To get a little bit of perspective of the grace of God, consider the most disgusting thing you have ever seen or heard about. Maybe the most disgusting person, or animal. Whatever that is, I imagine you are utterly appalled by it. That's us. The harshness of this idea doesn't change the fact that it is true. No one wants to hear they are disgusting, utterly reprehensible. But it's the truth, and in this case the truth hurts.
The prophet Isaiah had a glimpse of this. In chapter 6 of the book of Isaiah, he writes,
"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:
“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”
At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.” (NIV version)
Woe to me? Another way to say that is "death to me, because I can't handle this difference between God and myself". Isaiah, a prophet of God himself called to cry out to the children of Israel to bring them back to Him, cried out to be "utterly destroyed", as a different translation puts it, because he saw God just as he was, and Isaiah couldn't handle it. And he was a prophet. What would I do? Tear myself apart with my own hands? Find the fastest way to kill myself? I have no idea. But I imagin I would be looking for a way to be "utterly destroyed" as well.
I'm not trying to put people on suicide watch in my blog. However, I did warn you that this post is difficult to consider. I think it's time we face reality. We face ourselves. Because it's only through the reality of who we are, and really knowing that, do we even attempt at understanding how much God loves us. Because we are utterly reprehensible to a Holy God, because we are not holy. And frankly unholiness and holiness don't mix. At all. Oil and water don't mix. But they are a bad example here because the oil stll touches the water. It's more like travelling as far east as you can go til you reach the end of the universe, versus going as far west as you can go til you reach the universe in that direction. Except that really doesn't cover it. It's more extreme than that.
Remember my example from above. Just try and take all the love you have and direct it toward that whatever it is. So much love that you would do whatever it takes to make that disgusting thing the most important thing in your existance. You would give your life for that whatever it is. Seems pretty difficult, doesn't it? Impossible really. Yet, we have a Creator that shows us that very thing since before we even existed.
God's love is bigger than that. Because he never sees the disgusting you. He just sees you. And more importantly, he loves you. He loved you before you even existed, even though he already knew you were going to be reprehensible to him. Think about that.
Makes everything else you consider disgusting petty doesn't it.
Have you ever wept for mankind? I know that's an odd question, but one we all should consider. Have I ever felt so moved by our lot, and the lot of all, that I was moved to tears? The sorrow of all our transgressions heaped upon one person would be too much to handle for anyone. I know I couldn't. But what about yourself? Have you ever wept for you?
That sounds a little bit silly, and a little bit selfish. But the reality is we are in such a bad state, even the best of us. I am a total and complete failure, and my sinful condition is utterly reprehensible to God. Utterly reprehensible. Let that sink in. We are not ok. We are disgusting to God.
Why? Because He is holy. And we are not. To get a little bit of perspective of the grace of God, consider the most disgusting thing you have ever seen or heard about. Maybe the most disgusting person, or animal. Whatever that is, I imagine you are utterly appalled by it. That's us. The harshness of this idea doesn't change the fact that it is true. No one wants to hear they are disgusting, utterly reprehensible. But it's the truth, and in this case the truth hurts.
The prophet Isaiah had a glimpse of this. In chapter 6 of the book of Isaiah, he writes,
"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:
“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”
At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.” (NIV version)
Woe to me? Another way to say that is "death to me, because I can't handle this difference between God and myself". Isaiah, a prophet of God himself called to cry out to the children of Israel to bring them back to Him, cried out to be "utterly destroyed", as a different translation puts it, because he saw God just as he was, and Isaiah couldn't handle it. And he was a prophet. What would I do? Tear myself apart with my own hands? Find the fastest way to kill myself? I have no idea. But I imagin I would be looking for a way to be "utterly destroyed" as well.
I'm not trying to put people on suicide watch in my blog. However, I did warn you that this post is difficult to consider. I think it's time we face reality. We face ourselves. Because it's only through the reality of who we are, and really knowing that, do we even attempt at understanding how much God loves us. Because we are utterly reprehensible to a Holy God, because we are not holy. And frankly unholiness and holiness don't mix. At all. Oil and water don't mix. But they are a bad example here because the oil stll touches the water. It's more like travelling as far east as you can go til you reach the end of the universe, versus going as far west as you can go til you reach the universe in that direction. Except that really doesn't cover it. It's more extreme than that.
Remember my example from above. Just try and take all the love you have and direct it toward that whatever it is. So much love that you would do whatever it takes to make that disgusting thing the most important thing in your existance. You would give your life for that whatever it is. Seems pretty difficult, doesn't it? Impossible really. Yet, we have a Creator that shows us that very thing since before we even existed.
God's love is bigger than that. Because he never sees the disgusting you. He just sees you. And more importantly, he loves you. He loved you before you even existed, even though he already knew you were going to be reprehensible to him. Think about that.
Makes everything else you consider disgusting petty doesn't it.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
A Humbled Thanks
I am usually a very quiet person, and keep my thoughts to myself. Part of that is my personality, part of that is my non-verbal male brain, and most importantly, part of that is the fact that I know I most likely will offend someone if I speak, because I tend to come across very rough when I don't mean it that way. So that's a major part of the reason why I started this blog- it was an outlet for me to collect my thoughts and to voice some of the things I am thinking, without actually saying anything. I guess it is a way for me to say what needs to be said, in a forum where others can reflect on the message and not the messenger. So I say all that to lead me to the point of this post.
Brandy and I, along with another family, hosted a fundraiser for our upcoming adoption and for missions. The idea was presented back in October or November, and through the leadership of my wife and TW, was organized and executed in a relatively short amount of time. The inital idea was to have a band playing at our yard sale, which we hoped would help bring more people to the yard sale- and this would be in honor of Abigail, my daughter that was killed. We wanted to do something to raise money for the adoption and for missions to help other people, but at the same time honor the life of my little one. However, it grew into something much larger and greater than we would have ever imagined. It went from a yard sale and turned into an event. An event that humbled me greatly.
My estimate was about 1500 people (give or take a hundred or so) attended the Hope Project. Which to us was completely shocking. We never imagined so many people would come and support us. We had stories on multiple news channels about our family and about the Hope Project. Which is awesome in some regards, but also frustrating because I had to lose my daughter to get this type of attention. But nonetheless, all of that was very humbling, because the reality is neither Brandy nor I chase the spotlight. I could really care less about being important. It's just not for me. So to watch my family's story as a feature on TV was almost a little out of my comfort zone, to be honest. Yet, many of the people that came to the Hope Project went out of their way to track Brandy and I down and say they saw our story on TV, and were compelled to come and support us. That is humbling. Almost overwhelming.
However, the most humbling thing I saw was the number of people who were willing to give up their Friday night, and Saturday, and volunteer to help us. My guess is close to 50 people. Frankly, a lot of which I didn't even know. There is no way we would have been able to put on this event without the generous help of our volunteers. And I can think of a lot of things people would rather do than work in the hot sun for 8 hours on a Saturday. Yet, we had so much help. So many people showed us the love of Christ-doing something you probably don't want to do because it brings hope and joy to someone else, and brings glory to Christ- that it left me speechless. I really didn't know what to say.
So I guess this is me saying "Thank you" to everyone. To everyone that supported our event, whether through donations, through volunteering, attending and buying stuff, or whatever you did, thank you. Thank you for your help, for your kindness and love toward both our families. Thank you for giving your time. Thank you for helping us honor God, and honor the life of Abigail. Thank you for helping us bring home Malachi and Grace.
Thank you from a humbled man.
Brandy and I, along with another family, hosted a fundraiser for our upcoming adoption and for missions. The idea was presented back in October or November, and through the leadership of my wife and TW, was organized and executed in a relatively short amount of time. The inital idea was to have a band playing at our yard sale, which we hoped would help bring more people to the yard sale- and this would be in honor of Abigail, my daughter that was killed. We wanted to do something to raise money for the adoption and for missions to help other people, but at the same time honor the life of my little one. However, it grew into something much larger and greater than we would have ever imagined. It went from a yard sale and turned into an event. An event that humbled me greatly.
My estimate was about 1500 people (give or take a hundred or so) attended the Hope Project. Which to us was completely shocking. We never imagined so many people would come and support us. We had stories on multiple news channels about our family and about the Hope Project. Which is awesome in some regards, but also frustrating because I had to lose my daughter to get this type of attention. But nonetheless, all of that was very humbling, because the reality is neither Brandy nor I chase the spotlight. I could really care less about being important. It's just not for me. So to watch my family's story as a feature on TV was almost a little out of my comfort zone, to be honest. Yet, many of the people that came to the Hope Project went out of their way to track Brandy and I down and say they saw our story on TV, and were compelled to come and support us. That is humbling. Almost overwhelming.
However, the most humbling thing I saw was the number of people who were willing to give up their Friday night, and Saturday, and volunteer to help us. My guess is close to 50 people. Frankly, a lot of which I didn't even know. There is no way we would have been able to put on this event without the generous help of our volunteers. And I can think of a lot of things people would rather do than work in the hot sun for 8 hours on a Saturday. Yet, we had so much help. So many people showed us the love of Christ-doing something you probably don't want to do because it brings hope and joy to someone else, and brings glory to Christ- that it left me speechless. I really didn't know what to say.
So I guess this is me saying "Thank you" to everyone. To everyone that supported our event, whether through donations, through volunteering, attending and buying stuff, or whatever you did, thank you. Thank you for your help, for your kindness and love toward both our families. Thank you for giving your time. Thank you for helping us honor God, and honor the life of Abigail. Thank you for helping us bring home Malachi and Grace.
Thank you from a humbled man.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Dear Abigail
Little Princess,
First of all, I am sorry I haven't written you specifically yet. Part of me doesn't want to admit you aren't here. Part of me still wants you to run and give me a big hug like you would do almost every day. Part of me wants to re-do April 11, 2010, and lock the door when I go in. So I haven't written you yet, and I am sorry. However, I had a shock to my system this week. Your monument marker came in on Thursday, and I got to see it in person today.
You would be so proud to see yourself on this, Abigail. I know it. You loved to look at yourself when you were pretty, and you are so beautiful on this marker. I remember taking the picture of you in the swing at your 2nd birthday party that was on the marker. In fact, I can still see you through the viewfinder. You were waiting on someone to push you on the swing. Remember, PawPaw came and pushed you right after I took that picture. You were so happy on that day.
Abigail, it is really hard to see your smiling face on this marker with your birth and death date. I miss you so much. Your momma and I cry all the time over how much we miss and love you still. You made our family whole, and we are just broken without you.
I am so glad I was your daddy for 2 years. I really miss you so much. It just hurts. I am glad you are in Heaven with Jesus. I can't wait to see you again, and get to hold you again.
Love,
Daddy
First of all, I am sorry I haven't written you specifically yet. Part of me doesn't want to admit you aren't here. Part of me still wants you to run and give me a big hug like you would do almost every day. Part of me wants to re-do April 11, 2010, and lock the door when I go in. So I haven't written you yet, and I am sorry. However, I had a shock to my system this week. Your monument marker came in on Thursday, and I got to see it in person today.
You would be so proud to see yourself on this, Abigail. I know it. You loved to look at yourself when you were pretty, and you are so beautiful on this marker. I remember taking the picture of you in the swing at your 2nd birthday party that was on the marker. In fact, I can still see you through the viewfinder. You were waiting on someone to push you on the swing. Remember, PawPaw came and pushed you right after I took that picture. You were so happy on that day.
Abigail, it is really hard to see your smiling face on this marker with your birth and death date. I miss you so much. Your momma and I cry all the time over how much we miss and love you still. You made our family whole, and we are just broken without you.
I am so glad I was your daddy for 2 years. I really miss you so much. It just hurts. I am glad you are in Heaven with Jesus. I can't wait to see you again, and get to hold you again.
Love,
Daddy
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