We are privileged

"The principle of the Gospel is this: the Gospel always brings life to the receiver, and death to the giver.  If the Gospel brought death to Jesus Christ, why would we think in preaching the Gospel it would be any different for us?"  Jackie Pullinger

Matthew 16:24-25 (ESV) "Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.""


Something has always bothered me about the story of Abraham and Isaac.  It's just such a neat, tidy story.  In v.2 of Genesis 22, God tells Abraham to "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."(ESV) And so Abraham does this immediately.  No objections, no questions, no concerns.  Too neat.  What has bothered me is the why?  Why is this story so neat?  Let's look past the obvious fact it was written much, much later by Moses in an effort to record Israel's history.  Because this is the Word of God.  And everything God does and says has purpose and meaning.  Unlike the Preacher in Ecclesiastes, I believe everything relating to God has purpose under the sun.  So why is this story so tidy?

I referenced a quote from a missionary above.  Jackie Pullinger moved to Hong Kong at the age of 21 wanting to make a difference in people's lives who needed help.  And for the past 50 years, she has worked with drug addicts in the slums of Hong Kong.  People who were unwanted and with no hope.  No future.  Probably headed to their death.  A job that, frankly, I wouldn't want.  But she has embraced this role for Christ, calling herself "privileged to answer His call."  

I had never heard of Ms Pullinger until today.  I stumbled upon a video of her talking, and it moved me.  She was completely committed to the call of Jesus Christ, and showed no fear of losing her own life, but was joyful over the fact that God had called her.  Had given her a way to show His love to others.  

I referenced the verses above from Matthew Ch. 16 where Jesus describes what it takes to follow Him.  It takes losing you life.  Completely.  His Love is something that cannot be accepted without causing change in you.  Because it took Him dying to show it.  And anyone who does not change but confesses Christ as savior is a liar, because this type of love cannot do anything but change you.  

Thinking about Abraham again, I concluded that he showed the same type of belief, the same type of Hope that Jackie shows.  Unafraid of the cost of belief in God.  Unafraid of the consequences, of what might happen.  This story is tidy because Abraham loved God so much, he was willing to do anything.

Which leads me to me.  How do I deal with this?  I am not sure yet.  But I also heard
Ms Pullinger, which moved me the most.  

"The poor people all over the earth, who have never heard of Jesus, they are the poorest people.  They're desperate for food, blankets, medicine, water.  The most number of people worldwide who have never heard about the love of our Lord Jesus Christ are desperately poor, and they are not going to come here to hear about the Gospel.  We are going to have to go there.  So why haven't people gone?  [...] why don't you all go?  You've tasted such good things!  Go to the ends of the earth because those poor are not going to watch Jesus on TV.  They haven't got electricity. They're not going to hear about them unless you go, so would you?  If you've known the love of God,if you've tasted of His sweetness at all, there's no other way to serve him except giving up your life.  And this is voluntary.  This is not a sentence of death at all; we're not sentenced to death, we're just privileged to answer His call"

We are privileged to know a God that loves us this much.  And to serve God in such a manner as Ms. Pullinger or as Abraham did would be the greatest priviledge of all.

Conviction

Exodus 15:11

"Who among the gods is like you, O LORD ? Who is like you; majestic in holiness, awesome in glory"

Revelation 15:4

Who will not fear you, Lord, and bring glory to your name?  For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship before you, for your righteous acts have been revealed.

  

Luke 18:18-30

A certain ruler asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘You shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.”

“All these I have kept since I was a boy,” he said.

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was very wealthy. Jesus looked at him and said, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

Those who heard this asked, “Who then can be saved?”

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”

Peter said to him, “We have left all we had to follow you!”

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”

This is a different type of blog post.  Not what you are used to from me.  I usually do not get into social issues.  But today is different.  I just got an email from Change.org about a homosexual lady who was involved in Cub Scouts as a Den Leader, and was asked to step down from her position because she was gay.  Upon my initial reading of the email, I felt a bit of sorrow for the lady, because she probably should not have been discriminated against.  However, as I thought about the email, I was moved, shaken even, and I begin to think more closely about who I am and what I believe.  As I pondered this, I begin to take issue with the email to the point I deleted it without signing the petition.  Which was surprising to me, since I don't get strong emotions about that kind of stuff.  But it did rise up in me feelings and stirrings which I am about to share with you.

The reason I have a problem with this is not that I am homophobic.  One of my oldest son's friends in school in Nashville had 2 moms like this lady, and we went to a birthday party at their house that B and I were the only non-gay parents there.  Honestly, I am really not that opinionated about Homosexuality one way or another.  A person makes a choice, and then lives with it.  Happens every day in world.  Do I define it as sin?  Yes.  But lying is sin, too.  Stealing is sin.  Selfishness is sin.  It's all disobedience, and in God's eyes, there is no distinction.  So, if I can live with liars, thieves, people filled with selfishness, people who have hardened their hearts to God, then I can live with someone who sins in this manner.  Besides, one of the two greatest commandments in the Bible is to "Love your Neighbor as yourself," and I would consider any person living my neighbor, of which she would qualify for.  So that's not my point.

My issue is simply this:  I am so convicted that we are to be holy, and that there is no alternative.  Period.  I just listed sins, which fall short of this goal.  Any deviation from holiness is falling short of the standard barer, which is Jesus Christ.  Any.  And that is just not good enough.  Being like Christ doesn't give you the right to choose what you want to obey, and what you can let go.  It just doesn't.  You either obey everything, or obey nothing.  It really is black or white. Partial obedience is not obedience at all. Doing all things right but one is not good enough, because sin is separation from Christ, and it's impossible to be like Christ when you keep being the opposite of Christ.  Being like the One who is blameless is pretty difficult when you're not.  So my problem with the email was simply "I can't condone sin, no matter how I feel about the person."  I just can't.

I need to clarify something here.  We all sin, and are sinners, so try as we might, we are going to fail. So that is not what I am talking about.  I am speaking of my sins and your sins that are held onto.  Your deliberate disobedience.  Knowing it is wrong, and continuing to do it.  Your pornography.  Your excessive spending on technology, when you don't need it.  Your gluttony.  Your homosexuality.  Your stealing.  Your refusal to give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's.  That is what I am talking about.  Deliberate disobedience.

I'm sure this stings the eyes and ears of some.  But we live in a world like Isiah 6:9-10  where God says to Isiah to tell the Israelites "Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.’'   Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed."  We are just like the Israelites:  seeing and hearing, but not perceiving and understanding.  We see that we sin, we see that we are doing wrong, but we don't perceive that we need to do something about it.  Like it's ok to God that we keep separating ourselves from Him.


I posted the passage about the rich man above because it makes a point that is applicable to this post.  Christ wants all of you.  All of you.  And anything less than that, frankly, is not taking up your cross and following Christ.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but anything you hold onto in your life- any sin- separates you from following Christ.  This here is one example.  A man, who obviously believed in Jesus as Messiah, couldn't let go.  So Jesus makes the statement "Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God."  Which is mind blowing, because this man believed Jesus as Messiah.  But the man couldn't give his all, and that wasn't good enough to Jesus.

Because Jesus is greedy- not in a sinning way, but in a way that is honoring to the only one in the universe who is worthy of being honored.  He wants all of you.  And if you can't give all, then He wants none.  Because it's disrespectful to the Lord Most High to not give your best.  He, and He alone is worthy of this.  And if you can't give your best, it is better that you not give at all.

I realize this is different from what you here in your church on Sundays.  "Come as you are."  is a mantra that is pretty common on Sunday mornings.   And I am not talking about what you are wearing.  I am talking about the condition of your heart.  What I am talking about is the attitude of "Bring your filthy heart to church each Sunday, it's ok.  God understands.  He knows you mean well."  No, it's not ok.  He doesn't understand, and it is not ok.  The Holy One of Israel, our Reedeemer and Sustainer, our Hope deserves our best.  Period.

When people are puzzled that a loving God can send people to Hell, it's because they don't get Holiness.  Don't understand that God deserves your best.  Don't understand that there is a penalty for disobedience. People don't understand what a Christian is, because lukewarm Christians have been such bad examples, and have been ok with so much sin, that there is no example anymore of what one should look like.

There is a penalty for refusing to give your life away and follow Christ.  Why?  Because He willingly died on a Cross for you.  No one held his hands down, no one held his feet down. He willingly offered Himself for you.  And in return, He asks you to willingly do the same.  To put down all your sins, take up your cross and follow Him.  This is what a follower of Christ must do to follow Him.  And it is hard.  Many times people came to Jesus asking what to do to be his disciple.  His response was to leave everything, and follow Him.  Right then.  Not in a minute.  Not after your affairs are in order.  Right then.  And that is so hard, because it requires us leaving our own lives and bending ourselves to the will of Christ.  In everything.  So how do we do this?

To do this we have to change the condition of our hearts. We have to be healed, and it starts at our hearts.   Jeremiah 17:9 says "The heart is deceitful above all things and above cure.  Who can own it?" God can, because he knows.  He knows your heart, and He knows if you are truly following Him.  What is our solution then? We should all cry out to God as Jeremiah did in Jeremiah 10:23-24 "LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps. Discipline me, LORD, but only in due measure— not in your anger, or you will reduce me to nothing."   Jeremiah cries out to God to discipline him for the disobedience of Israel.  We need to cry out for discipline.  Not just for us, but for all.  Ask for discipline for all.  Cry out to Jesus as King and Lord, and ask for forgiveness and redemption. Give up your sins-leave them, just like Lot had to leave Sodom.  No turning back, keep on walking focused on Jesus.

We need to give up ourselves to attain Christ, because Christ gave up himself for you.  He, and He alone is worthy of this great honor, and He has earned the right to be selective in what he accepts as devotion.

The goodness of God

^{Job Chapter 1:20-21}

²⁰ At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship ²¹ and said:“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.”

Job Chapter 19:20-27

 ²⁰ I am nothing but skin and bones; I have escaped only by the skin of my teeth.²¹ “Have pity on me, my friends, have pity, for the hand of God has struck me. ²² Why do you pursue me as God does? Will you never get enough of my flesh?²³ “Oh, that my words were recorded, that they were written on a scroll, ²⁴ that they were inscribed with an iron tool on lead, or engraved in rock forever! ²⁵ I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth. ²⁶ And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; ²⁷ I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another.  How my heart yearns within me!

I have never read the Book of Job before.  Never.  It's one of those books that is in that awkward category.  I think you know what I am referring to.  It's not the Gospels for sure, not a praise book like Psalms, not a wisdom book like Proverbs, not a prophetic book for sure.  Not a historic book, such as one of the first five, or the books that tell the story of Israel and their kings.  No, its kind of it's own entity.  Which leaves it in the awkward category, because it doesn't seem to have any obvious application.  Or so I thought.  So I hadn't really ever read it.  I had skimmed it some, but it seemed to be long monotonous dialogue, and my ADD brain couldn't, or more likely wouldn't, pay attention long enough to find out what was going on.

But I started reading it last week.  And I have found it to be fascinating.  And a very real and applicable book of the Bible.  If you're not aware, Job was a very pious man who was devoted to God. However, through a series of trials allowed by God, everything that could go wrong to a person had happened to him.  He lost everything.  All his possessions, all his children, even his health. Everything. 

So what you see is a broken man.  Everything stripped away, and totally broken.  His wife tells him to "curse God and die!" (2:9)  His friends accuse him of getting punished for being wicked.  So here is a man, left sitting in ashes, no family, no health, no hope.  Nothing. Just a man you would expect to wait to die.  


Yet, the most facinating thing to me was the dialogue.  The words he used, the emotions he expressed to God. I totally get Job.  I felt a similar response when Abigail died.  Not to make this a teaching moment about grief, but here is where a parent is when they lose a child.  Read the first 20 books of Job.  See how Job is so angry, so depressed, so "why me?"  and then talk to a parent that buried their child.  I can speak to those feelings just the same. Job is angry, is hurt, is broken so deep.  He yearns for death.  He embraces it.  Not in a suicidal way, but in a "this is how broken I am" way.  That is where Job is.  He is broken, hurting, saying "why me?" 

However, the most facinating thing happens.  As you can see in the 2 passages above, Job praises God.  Really praises Him- gives Him glory and honor.  A man with no hope, no future- praises God.  That is fascinating to me. 

It's so easy to say "God is good" when good stuff happens.  It really is.  You see it on facebook, or in print everywhere.  "God is good.  The cancer is in remission!  Praise Jesus!"  Always something good has to happen to say God is good.  You see it in sports, always some accomplishment followed up by a "I want to thank God", blah, blah, blah.   And that really makes me mad.  Because God is good irregardless of what happens to you. God was good the day Abigail died.  God was good on 9/11/2001.  God was good when the Israelites were taken into captivity, when the Romans came and took over rule of their land.  God was good the day Jesus was beaten and died.  God is good. Period.  No qualifications.

I find it funny that we base God on how our individual lives are going.  As if you have some control over whether or not God is good. That, to me, is completely laughable. When I speak of us having "pocket Gods" that is exactly what I am talking about.  A god that is good when good stuff happens.  A god that is good when we get the job, the girl, the child, the raise, the new car, etc...  You get the picture. 

It is just the opposite when your world is thrown upside down.  When you are sitting in the same place as Job.  Broken.  No hope, no future.  Because it's at that moment when God is best.  When your life gets tough, how willing are you to say "God is good."? Because He is.  And He and He alone is worthy of the praise and honor Job offered. 

God is... (part 2)

I hate typing. I really do. Which is funny, since that is exactly what I have to do to make this blog go. And yet, it is my kryptonite from posting more frequently. It's not really the words that are the problem. It's the typing. So unfortunately, or more likely fortunately for you, it prevents me from saying what's on my mind most of the time. My thoughts end up spoken by me on the road somewhere while I'm driving, instead of getting recorded for posterity's sake. So I say all that to say this- my part 2 post ended up in my car instead of on this blog. I really wanted to type it, I swear I did. But it just came out one morning when I was driving to work. And most of this stuff comes in waves, that I can't get back when it's gone. So, although the first version of this post was real good, it's gone. And I'm left trying to tie up a loose end. But the show must go on, and so I offer my best attempt at moving on with the blog.

Have you ever seen the movie "Grounghog's Day"? It was made in the '80's I think and had Bill Murray as the main character. Basically, the movie was about a guy who is stuck in the same day. Every day he wakes up and it's Grounghog's day. He can't die, can't age, and is stuck living the same day over and over. No matter what happens in one day, he wakes up and the same day starts over. So, he's stuck. But the kicker is he's the only one aware of it. Every one else is oblivious to this glitch in the matrix, for lack of a better phrase. Everyone he tries to explain this to thinks he's crazy. Every day he tries. He learns things only the people he tries to convince could know and tells them. Yet almost all think he is crazy- even with that kind of proof.

Have you ever thought God is in the same predicament? He works every day on us, just trying to get someone here to get a clue to who he is, and it's like we think He's crazy. That Love He shows, He freely gives, He yearns for us to acknowledge- we live oblivious to it. We wake up every day and it's Groundhog's Day and we're oblivious, and His job starts over again. We wake up every day and our Creator pursues us, and we're oblivious. God screams your name, my name, and we don't hear. We don't hear anything.  This "privilege" of living in a country that screams religion, has made us deaf.  Deaf to His cries of Love, of compassion.  Deaf to His calling of Holiness.  Deaf to his sobbing for sin. So it's no surprise we come so boldly to the Throne.  Because we are deaf to God. And so every day, it's like we all are clean slates He is working on.

God offers us a Love that is not readily described.  And the kicker is- He chases us around with it.  Like a man giving out candy.  But our problem is we are deaf.  We don't hear Him anymore.  People wonder why they have such a hard time knowing the will of God.  It's because we don't hear Him.  God's will is pretty easy to know.  Make disciples of all nations.  Follow Me.  That's it.  All the other stuff is noise.

But our problem is:  How can you respond to something you don't hear?  Why would you be receptive to something you don't acknowledge?   This inability to acknowledge God's Love is a direct result of the inability to acknowledge the Holiness of God.  That's why they are intertwined.  To see the Holiness of God, truly, is to understand the Love of God.  And vice-versa.

God loves you.  But He, and He alone, has earned the right to be praised, to be lifted up.  So, don't be so bold when you approach Him.  Humble yourself before Him.  Before you speak, listen.  Because most likely, He has already approached you, and you weren't listening.

God is... (part 1)

Alright, pop quiz.  I say God is _____.  Fill in the blank.  Ready.  Go.


You said Love didn't you.  I bet most of you did.  I heard this question the other night in a class my family is taking.  The speaker said "if you were to poll people on the street with that phrase, what would be the response?"  Immediately, multiple people blurted out Love.  And, of course, the speaker said "correct, it would be Love."

Apparently I was different.  I immediately thought Holy.  I almost blurted it out in fact, but caught myself when the chorus of "Love" came raining down from all over.  It puzzled me at the time.  Why did I think that?  Love is obvious-  that is an obvious answer.  Think of all the John 3:16 signs we see at sporting events.  Everyone wants God to be their best buddy.  So it should have been obvious.  Yet, here I was with a different answer.  Why?

When we talk about the character of God, what strikes you the most?  The Loving nature of God, or the Holiness of God?  The first choice is obviously easier to deal with.  I mean, who doesn't want a God that loves them unconditionally?  No questions asked. No requirements.  Just love.  That is definitely the easier approach.

The Holiness of God?  Tougher.  Much tougher.  But why?

Because it is not all encompassing.  We are not holy.  It makes us stand in stark contrast from God.  It is not unconditional.  It asks questions.  It has requirements.  We cannot stand before Him, are not worthy of uttering His name, should not be so bold to call ourselves Children of God when we consider the Holiness of God.  Because instead of including us with God, it separates us from Him.

Consider what John said in Revelation 1:17, "When I saw Him, I fell at His feet as though dead..."  Or what the prophet Isaiah said in Isaiah 6, "Woe is me!  For I am lost...".   The Message version uses the phrase "I'm as good as dead!"  These men, whom I imagine you would consider men of God (I do, at least), were so struck at the contrast, they either did die or wanted to.  These were men that knew the Bible.  Probably had memorized much of it.  Lived in a world where faith in God was not only important, it was part of life.  And yet the contrast they were faced with in the presence of Holiness, made them want to die.  I guess the way I see it, they wanted to be separated.

So think about that.  They wanted to be separate.  From God.  Doesn't that seem a little backward to you?  Because it does to me.  After all, those stories are straight from the Word. From the Bible.

But that is what God's Holiness does.  It separates Him from us.  Not only that, but it makes us want to remain that way.  Because we are so fragile, His very essence can take our life, and because we are selfish with our lives, we would rather remain alive than draw close to Him that way.  My only guess is that when we see Him, everything we try to hide is unhidden.  And the shock from that reality is too much.

The High priests of Israel wore a rope tied around their waists when they entered the Temple of the Most High God.  The reason was because there was a chance they might not come out alive.  And so if that happened, they would have to be dragged out of the place, because no one else could enter to remove them.
So, for these men, entering near the Lord was literally hazardous to their health.

Yet for us it is so different, so simple.  But, how are we any different?  Why would we be better than these men who spent their entire lives living around the will of God?  What makes us think we can belittle our relationships with a Creator this awesome?  Why do we act so foolish in how we interact with Him?  We act entitled.  We feel like we have earned God the buddy.  Not God the Consuming Fire.

I'm going to leave this post unfinished.  For some reason, even though I want to tie this up with how God's Love is the balance, countering this separation between us and is the reason we can draw close to him.  Is the reason He died for us, is the reason He offers us salvation.

But I feel like I don't need to yet, more like I can't yet.  I'm not really sure why.  Look, if this convicts you, I'm sorry.  It's not me.  It's God.  I'm just a humble typist.

A season of Hope?

Our problem:

But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear.  For your hands are defiled with blood And your fingers with iniquity; Your lips have spoken falsehood, Your tongue mutters wickedness.  No one sues righteously and no one pleads honestly. They trust in confusion and speak lies; They conceive mischief and bring forth iniquity. They hatch adders’ eggs and weave the spider’s web; He who eats of their eggs dies, And from that which is crushed a snake breaks forth. Their webs will not become clothing, Nor will they cover themselves with their works; Their works are works of iniquity, And an act of violence is in their hands. Their feet run to evil,  And they hasten to shed innocent blood; Their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity, Devastation and destruction are in their highways. They do not know the way of peace, And there is no justice in their tracks; They have made their paths crooked, Whoever treads on them does not know peace. Isaiah 59:2-8

Our solution:

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;  he delivers them from all their troubles. Psalm 34:17

Cry loudly, do not hold back; Raise your voice like a trumpet, And declare to My people their transgression And to the house of Jacob their sins. Isaiah 58:1

Then your light will break out like the dawn, And your recovery will speedily spring forth;  And your righteousness will go before you; The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.  Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;  You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ Isaiah 58:8-9

So here I am, it's nice to see you again.  Yes, I know I am a bad blogger.  I'm sorry for that, and really I only have myself to blame for this.  But enough of that, let's get to the meat of today's post. 

I suggest everyone read the book of Isiah, if you already haven't.  In my opinion, it's one of the more deep books in the Bible, because Isaiah doesn't shy away from either himself or humanity and our relation upon standing in the face of a Holy God.  We fall short in so many ways.  And it's that difference of who we think we are, versus who we really are in the sight of God that Isaiah gets.

I guess in this world of self-help and wanting to hear how good we are, this is a stark contrast.  Because, let's be honest.  Anyone that says "I want to hear how bad I am" is lying- you and I know this.  But it's truth.  Truth that hurts.  Truth that causes pain.  Truth that cuts to the core of who I really am. 

As I sat here in quiet to collect my thoughts, I was drawn to a sermon I have linked to my browser.  I am attaching it below.  It is from Art Katz, and it is very convicting.  It's from a sermon called "And They Crucified Him", and his point is simply, we fall short.  Even our "best Christians" fall short of the plan of God.  Looking at what the Apostles went through, we fall short.  Even though we have every advantage concievable (such as most people have an idea who Christ is whether they believe or not, or that many of us live in such a manner that we can give to others both time and money), we fall so short of the mark of Christ, it's silly.  And that point emphasizes the idea that I stated above, which is simply "we are not who we think we are." 

Don't be deceived.  You are not ok.  I am not ok.  This world is not ok.  It's a corrupt, defiled, worthless piece of crap, and we, who are just as corrupt, just as defiled and just as worthless, are stuck right in the middle of it.  It's no wonder that Jesus tells us to store up our treasures in Heaven.  Because as far as I can see, whatever you get here on Earth is worthless.  Worthless.  Has no value.  None.

This is a different take than what you typically hear at Christmas.  "The season of Hope."  It sounds kind of hopeless.  And I guess that is what makes Christmas so amazing.  Not the whole presents thing.  Not the magic behind Santa- if you believe that.  Not even that Christ came.  No, the amazing thing is that God even entertained the idea to come.  We are so screwed up, this world is so screwed up, the fact that God even entertained the idea is profoundly amazing in itself.  And yet He did.  That's the Love your Creator offers, and the same Love we take for granted, because "we are ok." 

So I guess the obvious question now is what do we do with this?

Stop here and watch the video.  And I'll pick up in a second.

It's funny that this blog comes out right before Christmas.  I didn't plan it this way.  Really, I didn't have a plan to begin with.  A season that is supposedly filled with hope brought me this message.  Kind of ironic if you ask me.  And yet the truth offered here is real.  We are full of ourselves.  A false sense of hope that is offered when one is not honest with themself. 

I wonder what Christ was thinking when he finally arrived as a human.  Maybe it was something like, "What have I gotten myself into?"  At Christmas, we celebrate His birth, and the love He brought that led to the Cross.  However, without the Cross, what's the point of Christmas?  I mean, does it even have a point?  So, even now right in the middle of Christmas, it's the Cross that's still the message.  And it's our inability to pick up our own crosses and follow Him that's still the problem.

So I asked you earlier, what do we do with this?  I'm not sure about you, but this is a tough message for me to read.  Cause truth hurts.  And this is Truth.  I have some choices that I as an individual, and that my family, as a family, have to make in the near future, that could completely re-shape the way, the how, and the where we function as a family.  I need God's wisdom and leadership to do this.  The only way to get that is to acknowledge the above, and acknowledge the Love He shows me, and humble myself to the point where God can use my family to do what He wants.  It is only through that I can ask him for guidance, because I cannot do it on my own.

As far as you are concerned, my advice to you is to seek His face.  Humble yourself, just like He did when He became a man, and take up your cross and follow Him.  Cry out to the Lord.  Ask the Lord to guide your steps.  And do what He commands you.  Don't just sit around and wait on God to put neon signs in your front yard.

There are commands in the Bible right now that "Christians" do not follow.  Take care of orphans and widows, for example. Love your enemies.  Those are just a couple of commands right off the top of my head.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas

It's been a while

Hello again.  As the title obviously states, it's been a while.  I guess I am a bad blogger.  But here I am, nonetheless.

There's a lot on my mind here lately.  Some good, some bad.  And I will get to that in the future.  But today, I am here for a different reason.  I come to you today to talk about my nephew Levi.  Because of a giant hole in his diaphragm which allowed his organs to creep up onto his heart and lungs,  Levi was born with undeveloped lungs and heart problems.  In essence, he can't breathe and his heart doesn't work right.  So he's been on a machine that has basically put oxygen in his blood and pumped it through his body.  Because of that, he doesn't have baby/mommy time, baby/daddy time, baby/ big brother time.  He is stuck on a table with a machine keeping him alive.  And his time is running out.

When I started this blog back in December, the point was to lead people toward hope.  Hope in each other, hope in our lives, hope in Christ.  Hope.  But how do you describe it?  What is hope?  It's not something definite.  Not something tangible.  You can't quantify hope.  So what is it? 

According to merriam-webster.com, hope can be defined as a noun and a verb.  As a noun, one definition is "desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment".  So in a sense, it is something we want with an expectation to get it.  The verb definition is similar in that it says "to desire with expectation of obtainment." So in our journey toward hope, we are not only looking for something, but are looking with an expectation of obtaining it. 

So what does this have to do with Levi?  There is not a lot of hope with Levi's family right now.  To be honest, he is on death's doorstep.  If his condition does not improve, when the machines are turned off, he will die. And the Valley of the shadow of death is not a place any parent wants to go.  Brandy and I have lived there for 18 months.  It is a living nightmare everyday.

I tell you all this, because I think you are important to him.  I think you are just as important to him as the doctors are.  Because you have the power to pray.  God loves Levi, just as He loves you.  Undescribeable love.  And He definitely is in control of this.  But there are times I think when He wants us to show Him we belive in His power.  Not because we can make God do anything.  That's ridiculous.  But showing the faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain.  Showing God we believe in Him.  Showing God we have Hope in him.  Looking toward Him to heal Levi and expecting it, because He can fix this, there is no doubt. 

So I am here to implore you to pray.  Fall to your knees now and cry out to God.  Pray for Levi's healing.  Pray that God fills his lungs with air.  That his numbers get better so he can have the surgery he needs.  Pray for forgiveness of a lack of belief, a lack of Hope.  Pray for faith in God.  We are weak only because we don't believe, because we don't hope in Him.  Not because we are weak. 

God is in control of this.  So don't think I am telling you we can control what He does.  And if He doesn't heal Levi, He is still in control.  But we are so afraid of the result sometimes, we lose our ability to not only want something, but have expectation that it will happen.  That's Hope.  Don't lose it.

Like Andy Dufrense said in a letter to his friend Red in "The Shawshank Redemption," "Remember Red, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things..."  In Lamentations 3:25 (NIV), it says, "The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him."

Hope in the Lord, for He is good.

Welcome Home

I am sorry for the long amount of time between posts.  I have had so many things I wanted to talk about.  Several topics I thought were important to share.  However, I have not had any time to do so.  It has been a sprint at our house for the past month.  Everyone's schedule has seemed to be in hyperdrive around our house.  Some of if is the time of year.  We have to celebrate 3 birthday's in a month and a half, have 3 sports going on at the same time, etc...  It feels like everyday is packed from 6:00 am to 11:00 pm.  And it mostly has been.  I should add that we are adopting, so we have a sense of trying to prepare for new little ones we've never met.  So March and to this point in April have been moving at a pace I can't remember ever going at before.  Really fast. 

And then we came to last weekend.  To Abigail's birthday party.  To yesterday.  To today.

It's funny, because I've thought about what to do with this past weekend and today for weeks in regards to this blog.  How to approach it.  What to say.  Frankly, how to honor her here.

All I came up with is this:  A year ago today, my daughter died.  I miss her.

Not inspiring, huh?  I guess sometimes the simple truth is the best.  And I'm a simple guy.  So there you go.

I'm not real excited about talking about what happened today last year.  Because I can't change what happened then.  It is the past, and unfortunately, it will stay that way.  Time is this wierd idea that something linear can also be something cyclical.  As if I can re-live this day again because it is the same date as last year. 

Or yesterday, which was the same Sunday on the calendar that she died on.  I can relive it again.  I can save her this time.  I can do CPR better.  I can lock the door.  I can find the library card.  I can say all the things I want to say to her knowing this is the end, not "Be quiet Abigail, you are driving me crazy!!"  (She was screaming in the car on the way home).  I can put her in her crib so she will take a nap.

Anything to change the day.  Anything.

But I can't.  Because time is linear.  We don't relive April 11, 2010.  We live April 11, 2011.  A completely different day.  The earth is in a similar position in relation to the sun, but not the exact same position.  I am a different age.  I look different- more hair in my nose.  Everything is different.  It is not the same day.

So I can't relive the day because it is impossible.  I will not allow grief to take today from me, because it can't take something that I don't have.  I will live today, because today is a new day.  A different day.

Our sorrow comes from only the fact that we knew her for only a short time.  But not from the result.  The funny thing is I am envious of Abigail.  I titled the blog "Welcome Home" because that is what Jesus said to her when she died.  She is in Heaven.  She feels no pain or fear now, no sorrow, no sickness.  Only joy.  Pure joy to be in the presence of our Father.  And his love is greater than mine.   So my sorrow is not for her.  My sorrow is for Brandy and my kids, who have lost a part of themselves in her.  My sorrow is for you, who are missing out on meeting a special person.  My sorrow is for me, because grief is selfish.

I will see her again real soon.  But for now, my job is to live a life worthy of Christ.  Because we are called to lead other to Him by example.  Be like Christ, so others can see what He looks like. Live like Christ, because that is what He calls us to do.  He wants to tell you "Welcome Home" as well.  So does Abigail.

Spend your time here on Earth trying to get to Heaven.  Trying to meet Jesus.  Trying to meet Abigail.

Because this life is all we have.  But it is temporary.  And our lives in Heaven will be Eternal.



"Dear Abigail,

I will see you soon, little princess.  I love you.

Love Daddy."

Sometimes the truth hurts

I have been nagged by a thought for the last couple of weeks, and I need to share it.  Frankly, I'm not really sure how to lead into this topic.  It's kind of deep and difficult to process, and it just leaves me feeling hollow.  But here we go.

Have you ever wept for mankind?  I know that's an odd question, but one we all should consider.  Have I ever felt so moved by our lot, and the lot of all, that I was moved to tears?  The sorrow of all our transgressions heaped upon one person would be too much to handle for anyone.  I know I couldn't.  But what about yourself?  Have you ever wept for you? 

That sounds a little bit silly, and a little bit selfish.  But the reality is we are in such a bad state, even the best of us.  I am a total and complete failure, and my sinful condition is utterly reprehensible to God.  Utterly reprehensible.  Let that sink in.  We are not ok.  We are disgusting to God.

Why?  Because He is holy.  And we are not.  To get a little bit of perspective of the grace of God, consider the most disgusting thing you have ever seen or heard about.  Maybe the most disgusting person, or animal.  Whatever that is, I imagine you are utterly appalled by it.  That's us.  The harshness of this idea doesn't change the fact that it is true.  No one wants to hear they are disgusting, utterly reprehensible.  But it's the truth, and in this case the truth hurts.

The prophet Isaiah had a glimpse of this.  In chapter 6 of the book of Isaiah, he writes,

"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple.  Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:
   “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”
 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.” (NIV version)
 
Woe to me?  Another way to say that is "death to me, because I can't handle this difference between God and myself".  Isaiah, a prophet of God himself called to cry out to the children of Israel to bring them back to Him, cried out to be "utterly destroyed", as a different translation puts it, because he saw God just as he was, and Isaiah couldn't handle it.  And he was a prophet.  What would I do?  Tear myself apart with my own hands?  Find the fastest way to kill myself?  I have no idea.  But I imagin I would be looking for a way to be "utterly destroyed" as well.
 
I'm not trying to put people on suicide watch in my blog.  However, I did warn you that this post is difficult to consider.  I think it's time we face reality.  We face ourselves.  Because it's only through the reality of who we are, and really knowing that, do we even attempt at understanding how much God loves us.  Because we are utterly reprehensible to a Holy God, because we are not holy.  And frankly unholiness and holiness don't mix.  At all.  Oil and water don't mix.  But they are a bad example here because the oil stll touches the water.  It's more like travelling as far east as you can go til you reach the end of the universe, versus going as far west as you can go til you reach the universe in that direction.  Except that really doesn't cover it.  It's more extreme than that.
 
Remember my example from above.  Just try and take all the love you have and direct it toward that whatever it is.  So much love that you would do whatever it takes to make that disgusting thing the most important thing in your existance.  You would give your life for that whatever it is.  Seems pretty difficult, doesn't it?  Impossible really.  Yet, we have a Creator that shows us that very thing since before we even existed. 
 
God's love is bigger than that.  Because he never sees the disgusting you.  He just sees you.  And more importantly, he loves you.  He loved you before you even existed, even though he already knew you were going to be reprehensible to him.  Think about that.
 
Makes everything else you consider disgusting petty doesn't it.

A Humbled Thanks

I am usually a very quiet person, and keep my thoughts to myself.  Part of that is my personality, part of that is my non-verbal male brain, and most importantly, part of that is the fact that I know I most likely will offend someone if I speak, because I tend to come across very rough when I don't mean it that way. So that's a major part of the reason why I started this blog- it was an outlet for me to collect my thoughts and to voice some of the things I am thinking, without actually saying anything.  I guess it is a way for me to say what needs to be said, in a forum where others can reflect on the message and not the messenger.  So I say all that to lead me to the point of this post.

Brandy and I, along with another family, hosted a fundraiser for our upcoming adoption and for missions.  The idea was presented back in October or November, and through the leadership of my wife and TW, was organized and executed in a relatively short amount of time.  The inital idea was to have a band playing at our yard sale, which we hoped would help bring more people to the yard sale- and this would be in honor of Abigail, my daughter that was killed.  We wanted to do something to raise money for the adoption and for missions to help other people, but at the same time honor the life of my little one.  However, it grew into something much larger and greater than we would have ever imagined.  It went from a yard sale and turned into an event.  An event that humbled me greatly.

My estimate was about 1500 people (give or take a hundred or so) attended the Hope Project.  Which to us was completely shocking.  We never imagined so many people would come and support us.  We had stories on multiple news channels about our family and about the Hope Project.  Which is awesome in some regards, but also frustrating because I had to lose my daughter to get this type of attention. But nonetheless, all of that was very humbling, because the reality is neither Brandy nor I chase the spotlight.  I could really care less about being important.  It's just not for me. So to watch my family's story as a feature on TV was almost a little out of my comfort zone, to be honest.  Yet, many of the people that came to the Hope Project went out of their way to track Brandy and I down and say they saw our story on TV, and were compelled to come and support us.  That is humbling.  Almost overwhelming.

However, the most humbling thing I saw was the number of people who were willing to give up their Friday night, and Saturday, and volunteer to help us.  My guess is close to 50 people.  Frankly, a lot of which I didn't even know.  There is no way we would have been able to put on this event without the generous help of our volunteers.  And I can think of a lot of things people would rather do than work in the hot sun for 8 hours on a Saturday.  Yet, we had so much help.  So many people showed us the love of Christ-doing something you probably don't want to do because it brings hope and joy to someone else, and brings glory to Christ- that it left me speechless.  I really didn't know what to say. 

So I guess this is me saying "Thank you" to everyone.  To everyone that supported our event, whether through donations, through volunteering, attending and buying stuff, or whatever you did, thank you. Thank you for your help, for your kindness and love toward both our families.  Thank you for giving your time.  Thank you for helping us honor God, and honor the life of Abigail.  Thank you for helping us bring home Malachi and Grace.

Thank you from a humbled man.

Dear Abigail

Little Princess,

First of all, I am sorry I haven't written you specifically yet.  Part of me doesn't want to admit you aren't here.  Part of me still wants you to run and give me a big hug like you would do almost every day.  Part of me wants to re-do April 11, 2010, and lock the door when I go in.  So I haven't written you yet, and I am sorry.  However, I had a shock to my system this week.  Your monument marker came in on Thursday, and I got to see it in person today. 

You would be so proud to see yourself on this, Abigail.  I know it.  You loved to look at yourself when you were pretty, and you are so beautiful on this marker.  I remember taking the picture of you in the swing at your 2nd birthday party that was on the marker.  In fact, I can still see you through the viewfinder.  You were waiting on someone to push you on the swing.  Remember, PawPaw came and pushed you right after I took that picture.  You were so happy on that day.

Abigail, it is really hard to see your smiling face on this marker with your birth and death date.  I miss you so much.  Your momma and I cry all the time over how much we miss and love you still.  You made our family whole, and we are just broken without you.

I am so glad I was your daddy for 2 years.  I really miss you so much.  It just hurts.  I am glad you are in Heaven with Jesus.  I can't wait to see you again, and get to hold you again.

Love,

Daddy

Our Opposite Perspective on who we are...

I hate Joel Osteen.  Well not really, I guess that is a bit strong.  I don't know him, so it would be hard to hate someone you don't know.  However, I do hate what he stands for.  The Jimmy Swaggert types.  Preachers that stand in a pulpit with $$$ in their eyes.  Preachers that are looking to grow a congregation, rather than really reaching people.  Churches that model themselves after business, rather than Christ.  I hate it because it's wrong. 

Please don't misunderstand me, because it definitely can make you rich and famous.  People gravitate to the wealthy, the powerful, the greatest whatever it is.  That is why politicians and sports figures are so popular.  And the pastors of churches that fall in this category definitely can have it all.  And it's easy really.  It's easy to say the right thing that doesn't make you uncomfortable, that doesn't offend.  God wants to bless you.  God wants to do great things for you.  God wants to bring you greatness.  It sure does sound good, too.  Everyone wants to hear that.  God wants me to have this Porche, because he wants to bless me.  God wants me to win the lottery, and I know he will help me because he wants to bless me.  It really is easy to sell this.  Much easier than you are really screwed up, and its only through the grace of God that you are here.  However, the lie above brings in the masses, because it is easy, it is light, and it doesn't offend. 

I should point out that God does want to bless you, but I tend to think these guy's definition is different from God's.  His definition of being blessed typically doesn't include money or power.  But it does include how you impact others.  Think about where Jesus really stands out in the Gospels.  It's not the "Rock Star" persona he shows a few times, especially when he is headed to Jerusalem.  That was great and all, because it showed that the people acknowledged who He really was.  But in my mind, Jesus really stands out when he interacts with people that are nobodies, people that are broken, people with disease.  People that are hurting.  Because at these points, he is their hero, their savior from themselves, their glimmer of hope in what was to that poiint a hopeless existance.  It's that love He shows people that think He doesn't know them from Adam.  It affects them, changes them.  These are the ones that can't be quiet, because these are the ones who saw who Jesus really was.  His impact on the people was much greater when He did a miracle, rather than when he talked to the people.

Don't think I think the words of Jesus are of little value.  Just the opposite, they are the basis of the description of what we strive to be.  Yet, I think God left the His miracles in the Bible because He wants us to know that is what we are supposed to do.  We are supposed to act.  We are supposed to Pray and ask for guidance, but just as important we are supposed to act when it's important.  When it matters.  It matters when people are hurting.  Orphans and widows are hurting.  Homeless men and women are hurting.  People addicted to drugs are hurting. 

I just watched a documentary about sex slave traders in Eastern Europe, and how they kidnap women from families and sell them to people in other contries for sex.  These were sisters, wives, mothers forced to do something they didn't want to do,  It was horrifying, but was reality for these people.  And they were permanently damaged emotionally, probably never able to truly love again.  I also watched a video the other day about a youth group that visited orphanages in an Eastern European country in the past 10 years.  The video showed images of these orphans that was horrifying.  They looked malnourished, and were desperate for someone, anyone to hold them and love them.  Yes, the youth group went away moved by the horrible conditions.  But they went away just the same, and these children went back to their hopeless existance.  No one to love them, to care for them.  This is just two examples, but this goes on everyday everywhere. 

So what is my point here?  My point is we want to hear that everything is ok, that our world is ok.  But it's not.  It is just the opposite of that.  When I look at myself, I see 2 things.  I see a foolish sinner that has been bestowed with Amazing Grace.  God loves me so much, and I am so grateful.  However, I also see someone who is so lucky I was born where I was, bestowed with the blessings I have been given.  I don't need to be rich or powerful.  God has blessed me because he has shown me love.  Our chase for wealth and security leaves us missing the point.  We are already given so much, yet we are greedy for more.  Our greed for our "place in life" keeps us from really doing what Jesus wants us to do.  From really taking up our cross and following Him.  I am terribly guilty of this.  And I think Jesus cries over the ones above, because they are hurting so bad with no hope, just like the ones in the Gospels that He showed mercy and grace toward.  He wants us to be His body, and do the same.  Yet our own pursuit after ourselves prevents us from seeing this glaring need.  Others need us, but we can't get out of our own way. 

So Mr. Osteen can tell you whatever you want to hear.  And you may even get it.  But I am here to tell you it is a lie.  Our blessing doesn't come from what we can get, but what we can give to the glory of Jesus Christ.  And the gift of ourselves to others is really the greatest gift we can give.

Defining Christianity

That was a bit of a break, wasn't it?  Well, I didn't plan on spacing out my posts so far, but, to be honest, I didn't have anything to say.  I guess I'm like Mr. Ed, I won't say anything unless I have something to say.  But I'm glad to be back here again.  And I hope you are too. 

I said from the beginning that this blog would be about the idea of how do we turn ourselves into Christ followers rather than Christians.  I think there is a distinction.  Jesus was pretty clear in the Gospels that taking up your cross and truly following Him is not easy.  And it's not for everyone, apparently.  I can think of at least one example in the Bible of the Rich Man that when he asked and Jesus responded, he walked away dissapointed.  Because he knew he couldn't do it.  So here we are with this dilema.  How do we be like Christ, rather than just calling yourself Christian?  Rather than just being selfish and looking for "fire insurance" as some well-meaning but ignorant people have put it, give ourselves for the glory of Christ Jesus, because he gave himself for us.  For you. For me.  For men, women and kids we don't know, in places we've never been.  Christ did- his life and death exemplified this.  But how do we do this?

I really liked the definition Eric Ludy used in his video about what we are supposed to look like.  I told you that his message comes from, in my opinion, someone who is ordained by God to cry out to us all.  Just like the Prophets of old did.  We are supposed to be different.  Act and look different.  "Odd" and "from another realm" as Mr. Ludy put it in the video in my previous post.  But the problem is, we don't.  And I think we suffer from the same problem that the Rich Man did.  It's too hard.  It's uncomfortable.  And most importantly, it's real.  You can't hide from your own Cross.  That shows not only others who you are, but more importantly, you who you are.  So we walk away just like he did, because we don't want to see it either.

People who are skeptical of Christians have good cause.  If I wasn't completely confident in my Creator and his love for me, for everyone, I would probably be in this camp.  Because too many people calling themselves Christian do too many stupid things that are directly contrary to Christ every day.  We are all sinners, but come on.  People with fish on their cars driving like fools.  People wearing religious stuff, but talking like drunk sailors.  I fall into these, so I am no better.  Yet, it is hard for someone to accept this kind of action from someone who claims to be a Christ follower, but doesn't act like it.  So I can understand why someone would be skeptical.  And in a lot of ways, I agree with them.

It's real easy for us to trap ourselves into our fake lives.  Go to church- everything is great!  Go to work- everything is great!  Go to school- everything is great!  Go to kids activities- everything is great!  That's the cycle we trap ourselves in, the cycle we fool ourselves with.  But the truth is, it's not great at all.  To be blunt, it sucks. 

It's hard to look at yourself- the real you.  But that is what God sees.  He sees everything you despise about yourself, and considers it great joy just to know you.  He loves you that much.  The very parts you hate, He loves.  He loves you just as you are. 

If we are really trying to know Christ, our definition of what that means has to change.  No more hiding behind ourselves.  We really don't have an option.  We are loved in a way we can't understand.  And because of that, we really don't have any grey area to hide behind.  I challenge all of us to be different today.  Take up our real crosses and follow Him.  Because He loved all of us so much, He took up His.

That's my Abigail

Take a look at the video above before reading.  It will make more sense if you do.

The first time I saw this video I cried for 10 minutes.  Nonstop- couldn't have if I wanted to.  It crushed me.  Frankly, it still does.  I have a hard time watching it now without breaking down. I will get to why in a minute.

God puts certain people on this earth at certain times to champion a message.  Think about how the prophets came at just the right time with the right message from God, and how Israel responded.  Eric Ludy, I believe, is one of them.  Looking past the music and his ability to speak, the message he brings here is what is important.  His message is about Life, and how people are important.  People we have never met.  Children we have never met.  We are important.

The first time I saw this video, God spoke to me.  Similar to Eric Ludy, which is weird, but I think in a more powerful way.  God's question for me was "What if that was Abigail?"  At that point, I broke down.  There is nothing I would not do to get her back.  To be honest, if I had to kill someone to get her back, I would.  That is how strongly I feel.  So when God asked me this,  it was crushing.  I can relate to "calling everyone I know; doing anything I can" that he expresses here.  Because I would.

God poked me with this so I could get a glimpse of how much he loves us, how much he loves me.  He knows how I feel about my daughter.  How much pain and hurt there is that she is not here-how I would just about do anything to see her again today.  It was his way of saying "That's how I feel about everyone..."  We are important.  These kids are important.  Mr. Ludy is correct that we live indifferent to what happens around the world.  It really doesn't affect you or I if a child sleeps alone without a family, or for that matter, starves to death in another country. It should, but it doesn't. 

If we really are followers of Christ, we should do what Christ would do, right?  Christ is clear on taking care of widows and orphans.  It's not ambiguous- there's really no grey area.  James 1:27 says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after ophans and widows in their distress..."  Psalm 68:5 says "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling."  Zachariah 7:10 states "Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the foreigner or the poor."  If God is the father to the fatherless, and we are the body of Christ (which is God, by the way), shouldn't we be the fathers to the fatherless?  That's not ambiguous to me- thats a clear command from your Creator.

People that sit around and wait on God to tell them what to do are not really paying attention.  He already has.  No where in the Bible does it say to wait to do something you are commanded.  It's one thing to wait on him when it is not real clear in the Bible, such as who to marry.  Such as what line of occupation should I follow.  Those are two examples that are not directly addressed specific to each of us in the Word.  However, we are all addressed when it says to take care of orphans, widows, and the poor.  You are addressed already.  You have been commanded already.  I have been commanded already.  What are you waiting for?  He is not going to put it in neon lights for you.

Are we too fat and happy?

I have been away from the blog for a few days because everyone in my house is sick, except me.  I think Brandy has been away from hers as well, so just bear with her.  Hopefully she will beat this bug eventually, and be back to her normal self. 

I have witnessed something in the last couple of days that has given me pause to think.  For 2 nights in a row, I had to go to the store late to get something for Brandy to help her feel better.  Both times I went to the same store, and saw the same employee working there.  And both times I walked out shaking my head at the lack of respect this person gives to customers. 

I don't really want to single out this person, because I don't think it's their fault.  Just a teenager (at least I think) working a job that makes $7-10 hour trying to make some money for whatever reason.  It wasn't the person at all, but the attitude that caught me off guard.  The entitled attitude she offered just bothered me.  And I have seen it everywhere.  Go into a gas station, a fast food restaurant, a grocery store, wherever- and you see it.  People bothered by helping other people.  I am an inconvience to someone else's time.  Having an "you are an inconvience to me" attitude.  It really bothers me. 

Part of it is the fact that someone should be working hard if they are getting paid, and should be grateful for the opportunity to make some money.  That much is obvious, and it really gets under my skin when an employee is rude to a customer because I used to be a manager at a restaurant and wouldn't put up with it.  But the bigger problem is that we don't look at each other as important, and don't think it is important to help each other.  That was what really bothered me. 

I hear all the time on the radio how we used to be a Christian nation and we need to get back to our Christian heritage, and how all the founding fathers were Christian, blah, blah, blah...  I have my own opinions about this that don't really match up with that, but I digress.  I do agree with them on some aspect of this idea though.  One attribute I do wish we would get back to is genuine respect for each other, and genuine kindness toward each other.   In the South where I am, every one is "so nice" to each other.  Most, if not all, of it is fake.  Holding doors for people- learned behavior.  Taking food to new neighbors- being nosy. There are plenty of other examples I could come up with.  I sound kind of harsh here, but hear me out.  These are not attributes of genuine kindness.  These are nice things, but not back breakers.  Not something that makes or breaks you as a person.  Buying food for a homeless man and spending time with him- that's a back breaker.  That's a tough one.  That's genuine kindness.  And that is exactly what Jesus would do. 

I walked out shaking my head because this employee exemplified how we all act toward each other, how I act toward others.  Fat.  Happy. Satisfied.  Unwilling to be moved to something greater.  The opposite of how Jesus wants me to be.  I can see myself acting just like that employee.  Uncaring toward others.  But its more than that because, how I treat others doesn't start with my attitude.  It starts with my heart.  If I am not right with God, how can I be right with everyone else?  That's the real problem we face- our hearts.  We are so out of tune with our Creator, we don't even realize it.  This leads us to such coldness toward each other.  We act this way, because we don't know any other way to act.  And it's wrong. 

To bring hope and joy to others, we must first have that hope and joy. To bring courage to others, we must first have courage.  These can only be found in Jesus Christ.  The solution to the problem I have been talking about is Jesus Christ.  That's it.  There's no other way. 

We are so blessed to live in this country.  Most of us don't have to sleep outside, unless we choose to.  Most of us eat what we want.  If we are sick, we can choose to go to the doctor to get well.  There are those that don't have these choices.  That is their lot in life.  But when we act so coldly to each other, so un-Christ like, I wonder if our blessed state is a curse.

Where does our hope come from?

I took a couple of days off from the blog to let the last post permeate in like osmosis.  I have some more comments on greed I will share in the next day or so, but I felt necessary to change topics for a short time. I'd like to talk a little about hope, and how it can shape our lives. At the start of this blog I offered hope to those who need it.  There is hope to be had in this world.  Yet, so many people walk and live in a world of despair. 

I imagine they are living like it it stated in Job 17:15 "where then is my hope- who can see any hope for me?"  Job, you may or may not know, was the definition of suffering.  He lost everything, all his children, all his property, his very health.  Everything.  And he had every reason to despair, to be hopeless, to want to curse God and die. In fact, his friends and wife kept egging him on to do so.  I lost 1 child, and I still have days where I feel that way. But the funny thing about it, Job didn't.  He didn't curse God.  He didn't blame God at all.  And the funny thing about the verse I quoted above, I misquoted it on purpose. 

If you have time, read the book of Job.  It's an interesting take on how grief could destroy someone, and yet it doesn't.  The verse I quoted from Job 17 is from a dialogue from Job.  He is talking in Job 16 and 17, and is basically saying if I don't hope in the Lord, I don't have any hope.  Pretty much the opposite of what the single verse above insinuates.  That is where our hope comes from.  From God.  Something that was obvious to a grieving father is just as obvious now.  Life without your Creator is hopeless.  That's why there are so many people walking around in life in total despair.  There is no joy, no life, no love, no hope for them.  God is our source for all of these.  From 1 John 4:10, our hope comes not because we love God, but because He loves us.  Indescribable love.  His love was shown on a cross.  His very life abandonment for us.  That's where our hope comes from.

I misquoted the verse above to prove a point.  Our lives are very self-centered, self-focused, self-motivated.  In other words, greedy of self.  Yet in our own despair, their is more hope, more life than you can imagine, if we just open our eyes, and get rid of the tunnel vision we tend to look at things with.  Verse 17:15 seems to be pretty bleak.  The speaker is crying out for any hope anywhere.  Yet, if we look at the entire work, we see that is not the case at all.  Job's hope here is in God, and he is trying to make that point.  By removing our own tunnel vision on our problems, and steping back to take another look, we usually will see that our Creator is working to help us in ways we might not expect or imagine. 

I hate "Christmas"

This blog post is probably not going to be about what you expect. I am sure in some way the loss of Abigail has jaded both Bran and I about holidays, especially this one.  It's hard enough to just keep going without her, but this holiday seems to just scream in neon lights "your daughter is gone".  However, that is not really what I am talking about here.

First of all, I would like to make it clear that I don't hate the birth of Christ.  But I do hate a holiday that requires people to buy stuff.  And Christmas is the king of this disease.  It's greed, pure and simple.  We are greedy, and we have turned this holy celebration into a mockery.  Let's be honest, when the start of a holiday season is called "Black Friday", where businesses try to sell as much stuff as possible, that's not a good sign. 

I have had a lot of soul searching going on in my life in the last 8 months.  I have concluded that I am absolutely worthless to Christ.  Looking at what he has given me vs. what I have given him, it doesn't compare.  It's not about earning my salvation.  That's not what I am talking about.  It's about living a life that is pleasing in God's sight, and showing the one who gave me so much the honor he deserves.  And I am not.

Our real problem, my own real problem here, is greed.   We look for excuses to get stuff.  Holidays have become a big excuse to us all.  It's not just the want anymore, it's our "need".  I put that in quotes, as if I really need this stuff.  Like I can take it with me if I die.  Yet it goes on every day.  It's funny, but there are people that really think we could not exist if certain things hadn't been invented-especially the latest technology.  As if all those people who existed before the 20th century were just lucky to not have gotten to extinction.  Do we really need laptops for example?  Or the latest phone?  Since Abigail died, Brandy and I have gotten new iPhones.  Did we really need them?  I would like to take mine and throw it away.  But I am a coward.  I won't do it.  There are millions of people starving all over the world, and I am a coward when it comes to my phone.  How can I help someone when I am a coward?  That is why I started this blog.  Jesus would have spent his entire life at the missions in towns, helping people in need, and I doubt I would stop if someone sitting on the side of the road looking for a dollar.  I mean I don't even have to get out of my car.  Thats pretty pathetic really.  I am glad you are reading this blog, but if you put your laptop down and never picked it up again, and used that time to help someone in need, that would be even greater. 

If we are really going to become vessels God can use, we are going to have to look hard at ourselves.  To become selfless, you really have to start by being self focused.  Not on who we are, but what we are.  What do we do?  How do we act?  Is it pleasing to God?  How does our version of Christmas please God?  Or does he cringe every time this day comes around?  Does our version of life, of who we are, make God cringe?

As I have gotten older, I have tended to feel a little dirty once this time of year comes and goes.  I mean, we are supposed to be different, if we are Christians.  Different.  Look different.  Act different.  Be different.  And I don't think we are.  I don't think I am.  It's like its a cash grab, and that's the real sad part.  Even on the local Christian station here where I live, it's "don't forget the reason for the season, and also don't forget to visit this business while your thinking about the reason for the season".  That, to me, is a mockery of Christ's birth.  And I hate it.

Why did I decide to write a blog?

I took a couple of days off over this holiday to basically get through.  And we kind of did.  However, in this time I had a thought, why am I doing this?  And here's my best guess...

In Exodus 4:10-12, it says "But Moses said to the LORD, "Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue." Then the LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak."

I asked myself this when I started.  Do you really want to do this?  Because I think I know where Moses is coming from in the above verse.  I am not the best writer, as you may have already noticed.  I tend to be very pessimistic, and it causes me to expect the worst. I am always expecting something bad to happen.  You can ask my wife.  And I am not an expert at this at all- I'm not completely sure what value my perspective has.  I have a bad temper, and can get mad easily.  I also tend to have a lazy streak. So really, why am I writing a blog?

Its funny, because considering what I said above, and that is just the tip of the iceburg, I feel compelled to write this blog.  I have watched my wife pour her heart out for the past couple of months in her blog, and I find myself agreeing with what she says.  Almost to the point usually.  Except I want to add my twist to it.  And that is big news for a man with seemingly little to say, like myself, to want to pour out myself for others, in the small chance it might help someone else.  So that is the starting point for the idea to try to motivate others to journey toward hope in that they might in turn see the value in people.  People are important.  God thought people were important enough that he came and died, because of the love he had for each one of us, and that he wanted us to know we are treasured beyond gold.  We are important.  You are important.

Yet, God is the real reason for this blog.  Because my answer came in the same manner that Moses's came.  It's as if the Lord says to me, did I not create your hands and mind?  Did I not make you just who you are, with the experiences you have for this time?  It is not the time for idleness, but action.  Now write, and let me be your voice. 

So I am left with no alternative but to write, and believe that God will take this small work and use it for his own glory.  I have found that I am incapable of great things on my own.  The harder I try to do something great, the less likely I succeed.  As irritating as that sounds, I have come to expect it and in a way imbrace it.  It's almost like the Lord is laughing at me and shaking his head.  It's his funny way to remind me that I am useless without him. 

To conclude this thought, there are a couple of things I want you to take from my thoughts.  First of all, in my own mind, I have a one person target audience-  me.  My goal in this blog is to look at myself hard enough and strong enough to truly see my own warts, and by doing so, give God a means to change me.  There are millions of people in the world that need us to show mercy, kindness, love, and hope;  yet we are blind to it.  I am blind to it.  My God wants me do great things for him that I might bring him glory.  I can't do that if I am useless in my own sin.  The other thing I think is important to take from this blog is that there is value in a person.  You don't have to know someone to know this.  It is easy to yell at people on the interstate because they didn't use a turn signal, or were going too slow.  It is easy to get mad at the DMV worker because they are doing their job.  Again, these are easy to do because you don't know the person, and it doesn't effect your life.  Doesn't really change anything, except you may feel better for a moment.  I used these examples because I have done both in the past 48 hours.  Yet, I wish now that I had considered my actions a bit better.  Because they have value in the eyes of God.  Just like you and I do.

Happy Festivus

I won't normally do this in this blog, because it is not really the topic I want to stay on.  However, today is Festivus, the made up holiday from the show Seinfield.  And I think a holiday where we can air grievances and have feats of strength sounds pretty good this year...

So Happy Festivus.  It's Festivus for the rest of us...

A beginning from an ending

I think a necessary part to starting a blog is an introduction- a beginning if you will.  Since I have never really tried to do this before now, I believe this is necessary for us to build a relationship as blogger-reader.  Yet, there is a lot more to this story than you may want to read.  In my case, an ending is the start to my story.  Part of me died on April 11, 2010.  I still feel it today, that dead spot in my heart.  It is only the numbness that has developed around it that prevents me from constantly breaking down. 

It started out as a normal day.  We are always busy, and this was no different.  One child has softball practice, another has something else at the same time.  So like always, Bran and I were going in different directions.  I had the girls, Anna Faith and Abigail, and Bran had the boys, Nathan and Samuel.

I have to admit, looking back now, this was a blessing in disguise from God, because he allowed me to spend 1 on 1 time with Abigail while AF was practicing softball.  However, at the time, I didn't see it that way, because Abigail was being a pain like normal, and demanding that I follow her around and cater to her every need.  And yet I did, because that was how she lived.  Passionate-no time to wait.  That was Abigail.  It was as if she knew her time was short, and she needed to do it all.  Right then.  And she needed me to do it with her.

At some point, Brandy showed up with the boys, and she got to see Abigail for a few minutes before she was off with Nate to another function.  We debated whether or not to all go with them, and finally decided that Bran and Nate should go alone, and the other 3 and I could go to the library, and then get some work done at home.  I have to admit, this was the dumbest decision I have ever made.  But you don't make decisions with knowledge of what is to come.

So the 3 kids and I went to the library.  Except I forgot to get the library card from Brandy-or so I thought.  I found out later that it was on the kitchen table.  So we were in the parking lot of the library, trying to get in touch with Brandy.  However, her phone was not working well, the battery was bad, and the phone would die quickly after charging.  This is what happened on this day.  She did not know I was trying to call her.  This would ring ominous later on. 

I am going to be vague from this point, because I don't really want to belabor this, and there are still some issues we are dealing with that keep me from talking frankly.  To get to the point, we went home, and about 5 minutes after we got home, Abigail was hit by a neighbor's car in their driveway.  It was so quick and sudden, that I didn't really have time to process what had happened.  I was just trying to save my little girl.  I remember giving her CPR in my front yard, praying to God to help her, and trying to console my 2 others which were behind me scared to death.  I have never felt so helpless in my life.  It was as if the entire world was crashing around me, and all I could do was watch the destruction. 

It's wierd, because my memories of the day were crystal clear until this point.  After Abigail was hit, everything is fuzzy.  I remember someone driving me to the hospital.  I remember standing in the emergency room.  I remember when Brandy got there.  I remember watching her little body with all those doctors and nurses working on her.  And I remember when the doctor called it, and stopped doing CPR.  But that is about it.  Everything else was fuzzy, like a dream almost.  Which is how I still look at it.  This is a dream, and I should wake up and find my little bit in her bed.  Not in a casket in the ground.  Part of me, part of what I helped to create, died on April 11, 2010.  And I thought at the time, that both Brandy and I would do the same- whither up and die.  But that is not what happened.

God has used this destruction to get my attention.  I titled this blog Life Abandonment.  I actually heard this phrase on a You Tube video with Eric Ludy.  It stuck with me because it reminded me of Abigail and how she lived, and also because it is how I want to live.  Abigail's middle name is Hope, and she has offered so much hope to people since she died.  Brandy and I decided to honor her life by doing all we can to help others and offer them hope, when there might not have been any.  God gave Abigail a short time here, but it's impact has been and will continue to be tremendous.  As we continue in this blog, you will see how someone so small can leave such a legacy.  I hope it impacts your own life, as it has others.

I want you today to know that you have hope.  That even in your own despair, there is hope.  This blog is about discovering this hope, and learning how to love others.  My own goal is to learn to love others to the point that I can abandon my own life, just as I think my daughter would have done.  I hope that through this blog, you may learn to do the same.